The Model

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Emotion basics are at the foundation of emotion coaching. Each of the basic emotions are important because they give us information on how to react to different situations. This information will help guide parents to recognize emotions in their children AND know what the child needs in order to move through their emotional experiences.

Every emotion has:

• A bodily felt sense
• A label that can be communicated in words
• A need
• An action tendency

Label                      Bodily Felt Sense                             Need                                Action Tendency

Fear                             Heart racing                          Safety & Protection                      run, hide, etc.

                                    Sweaty palms

                                   Slowed digestion

Sadness                        Heaviness                                    Comfort                                  Get a hug

                                        Slowness

                                        Comfort

Anger                            Heart racing                               Validation                      Defend the boundary

                                  Feeling hot/flushed                      A boundary

                                 Tension in the body 

Parents can use this information to help their child. For example:

Knowing what each of the emotions “looks like” will help parents identify which emotion their child is experiencing more
easily.

Knowing the label for each emotion will help parents teach their child how to put into words what they are experiencing. The label will eventually help their child to recognize the experience within their own body. When an emotion is labeled, it helps to regulate the experience.

Parents/caregivers have a tremendous opportunity to influence their loved one’s emotional development, regardless of age. Specifically, parents can “coach” their loved one to become aware of their emotions and associated needs, as well as to regulate their upset feelings more easily. A wealth of research has shown that children of parents who take on the role of “emotion coach” function much better in a number of areas, including academic performance, social skills and physical & mental health. These children also experience fewer “negative” emotions overall, and develop the ability to become more independent. Emotion coaching is especially important if your child is a “super-feeler”.

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